Spy Fiction


A raincoat is a funny thing, isn't it?
Far less effective than an umbrella
But so much more melancholic and beige
Philosopher spies wear raincoats in movies
Perhaps in real life they use umbrellas
Anyway, tales about spies are entertaining
Because they don't work like normal people
Yet somehow they always have enough money
For fancy dinners and before mobile phones
They put radios in their shoes, and said,"over"
The plot builds punctuated by frantic action
Someone is always bothering the spy
The spy runs a lot, uses his wit and fist
while keeping his hat on his parted hair
The belt of the raincoat always buckled
He can drive bulldozers and fly helicopters
He is all knowing, very smart and clean
He is not afraid even for a second
He sweats only because it looks good
He shaves and wears only fresh socks
But who irons his shirts and cooks his lunch?
Did spies really encourage men to smoke?
The plot doesn't advertise health hazards
Only dangers from mad villains playing games
The world is a ball after all seen from
Space in a capsule wearing a tuxedo
His life, to say the least, is bizarre but
Has a teeming capacity for romance while
In the mire of the most diabolic intrigue
She in turn will be such a willing hostage
In the bargaining over life and death
Blood pressure is trained low, he never bleeds
And his skull is tougher than a rock
His jaw takes just a second to reshape
From the deadly Korean punch that can break
A steel rod cleanly into two equal parts
The hostage is behind a shiny steel door
Studded with sharpened titanium spikes
Villains love fine technical detailing
And no maid need ever pass an oily rag
Over the gleaming rockets aimed at innocence
The hostage is taped and roped dangling inches
From a clean heated acid pool frothing over
With anticipation at the imminent dissolution
But wait! There he is crawling in the air duct
Swinging down to sweep the damsel off in his arm
The spy and his girl just happen to find a yacht
They undress and pop open the champagne
His hairy chest verges on the Neanderthal
She ponders on the varying effects of liquids
While he covers her nakedness with his raincoat

Lucignano, 15 12 2006